T-Shirts Are My Bag

Eek! It's been a minute since I've last posted. I've had ideas...a cultural analysis of Pretty In Pink, autobiographical YouTube music mix redux (I did something like that in Livejournal a while back), um...

Anywhoodle. One of the reasons I thought to start this up was to showcase some of the crafty projects I take on. Feedback on some of the many tutorials out there in book and interweb form if you will. It just so happens that I finally put all the laundry away over the weekend and came across this big beautiful shirt. I got it last summer and it was ginormous and I was sad. I so wanted to wear it but alas, the baggy-assed t-shirt wearing days are far behind it. It was such a cool shirt that wearing it as pajamas wouldn't cut it. I wanted the public to see. I'm not so good at t-shirt remixes. I try to make the baggier ones more fitted, or the boxy ones more girly, but things always end up wonky. I have been peeking at purses lately (not that I need a new one, but I definitely want one) and started coming across bags made out of old t-shirts and then I thought "Sexy Sexy Bicycle"!!!! 

Behold the wonders of DIY! Marvel at my mad cutting abilities! Be amazed that I was able to work a sewing machine for 2 minutes without jamming anything!

This tutorial came from Amy Sperber courtesy of Tease: 50 Inspired T-Shirt Transformations. The instructions could not have been simpler. I was able to knock this out in less time than a heroin addict was given an intervention on A&E (so? I watch t.v. when I craft a lot).

Step 1 - Cut off the sleeves

Step 2 - Cut a deep U around the neck area

Step 3 - I cut some length off the bottom of the shirt because it was long like longcat and I would never find anything in the bag if I left it that roomy.

Step 4 - Sew the bottom of the shirt closed (I, uh, forgot to take a photo whilst sewing. Admire my sewing machine instead)

Step 5 - Voila! 

Cheap Makeup For These Broke-Assed Times

1. I was at Ulta today and had my little canister of Bare Minerals (at $25) when I saw the Maybelline Mineral Power Powder Foundation. Ok, they look identical. Same consistency, same ingredients. I went with Maybelline at $10. It works pretty much identical to Bare Minerals, maybe not as luminescent but then I prefer a more matted look anyway. Score. 

2. I usually use Lush's Ultra Bland for face washing but haven't been able to afford it. Ponds Cold Cream for the win! I've never used cold cream before (I wasn't even sure it was still made) and just started tonight and my face is crazy soft right after using it. Check me in a week after use, hopefully it won't make me break out. I do know that most face washes dry me out really bad and usually I'm on a dead run from the bathroom sink to the moisturizer and even then I'm left with the skin around my nose peeling off like I've just had the mother of all sunburns (it's as gross as it sounds).

3. Cover Girl's Lash Blast mascara is the absolute shit. Mascara and red tinted lip glosses are my makeup achilles heel. I know from mascara. The irony is that I naturally have pretty long eyelashes yet I'm always on the lookout for a good lengthening/volumizing mascara that doesn't make me look like I'm wearing false eyelashes. Lash Blast does an awesome job of making my lashes look all feathery and light while making them longer and thicker. Win. 

Don't get me wrong, I most definitely prefer Bare Minerals, Lush and M.A.C. mascara and I firmly believe that you get what you pay for. Like everyone else I'm broke and need to find ways to save money here and there. I can and will spend a ridiculous amount of money on makeup and face care products. These products may not be the best that money can buy, but they're certainly the best that my money can buy.

Books - Check 'em Out

One of my resolutions this year was to read more books. I know I work for Borders and get free books out the ass, but somehow once I moved from store to home office I didn't read as much. I'm thinking that getting cable contributed to that. I want to keep track of how many books I read and tally it up at the end of the year. I'm on GoodReads and all, but I keep track of lots of books there. I'm more interested in how many I read in 2009. So far I'm at 5 finished books -  

Dead Before Dark 

Dead In Dallas - both by Charlaine Harris 

When You Are Engulfed In Flames - David Sedaris 

The Idiot Girl and the Flying Tantrum of Death - Laurie Notaro 

The Liar's Club - Mary Karr  

I'm in the midst of - 

Burning Your Boats - Angela Carter  

(ooh, why haven't I read her sooner? I remember co-workers recommending her back in the day and just not getting around to it. She wrote in a way that makes me savor her words. One of my new favorite literary quotes "... a tattooed man is a walking masterpiece of remembered pain")  

Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk - Legs McNeil & Gillian McCain  

(meh. it's one of those you can pick up and put down quickly, skip boring parts, etc. I remember reading it when it first came out - I think I may have been working at Barnes & Noble at the time).  

I'm giving up on - 

The Gum Thief - Douglas Coupland 

(he's one of those authors I need to be in the right mood for. I am not in the right mood. Maybe later.)  

These are going in the pile next -  

The Last Days of Dogtown - Anita Diamant 

(If you haven't read The Red Tent please do so. I put it off for a long time because I wasn't interested in the biblical story aspects; but it is good. Really really good. I keep recommending it to friends and they keep blowing it off because it's a fleshed out bible story. Whatever, it's just a good book that stays with you).  

The Haunting - Shirley Jackson (I was listening to the New Yorker Fiction Podcast and they were reading The Lottery and I thought "I have always loved this story, wonder how her other books are", guess I'll see).  

Five books down, two in process and two waiting. I'm hoping to get through 10 this month.

Wig Of Love

Let it be known that I make my living in book retail. I'm no longer a bookseller as I went cubicle bound many years ago. One of the benefits of my job (aside from glorious swag) is getting a heads up on titles long before they're released. One of my co-workers clued me in on the upcoming release from Mr. Bret "Friend To Bandanas Everywhere" Michaels. The title? Between a Rose and a Thorn. 

Oh yeah. Bret Michaels is going to use that whole Every Rose Has Its Thorn title to the death. Beyond death probably. How much do you want to bet that will be his epitaph? Since it's become so overused in the Bret Michaelsverse I thought I'd give him a hand and come up with some new titles for him...no need for thanks Bret, never having to hear or read a Rose/Thorn analogy from you again is thanks enough. So, without further ado...

Every Herpes Sore Has Its Ointment

 

Every Skank Has Her Lucite Heels

 

Every Wig Has Its Skull Rash

 

Every Bandana Has Its Hidden Bald Spot

 

Every Fame Whore Has Their Questionable Morals

 

Every Shot Test Tube Has Its….HIYO!

 

Every Moment of Fame Has Its Time Limit

Sadly there is no cover art yet. Today C and I speculated what it would look like. I'm wagering it will be totally Fabioesque. Bret and his wig and a breeze. 

What's really sad is that the publishing industry is in dire straights right now and a lot of publishers aren't taking manuscripts. This means that some really good literature is getting passed up for the likes of Bret "Wigzilla" Michaels. That's a shame.

I already requested an advance readers copy should one come through the office. What? My New Year resolution was to read more books.

Satanic Snuggies

I was at my mom's on Christmas Eve when I saw a commercial for  "Snuggie", the blanket with sleeves. Now, normally I would be amused, but honestly the appearance of the Snuggie chilled me to the bone. You can't deny that a group of folks sporting a Snuggie looks ominously like a satanic cult, I mean, aside from being douchetastical. I mean, you get a group of oldsters together wearing Snuggies and you're automatically going to go straight to Rosemary's Baby -

Rolling down the hall, sucking psyllium, sipping on tannis root...laid back, with my mind on satan's offspring and satan's offspring on my mind.

As with these commercials for million-dollar-ideas the situations the "actors" convey aren't exactly realistic. Take, for instance, the woman who can't work a regular blanket. Seriously? I'm to believe that blankets are that much of a hassle and ineffective? The only times I've ever had to wrassle a blanket like that were nights of my youth where I did one bump too many and didn't have a Xanax to take the tweak off (and of course as soon as you get comfy it's time to get up and pee again). Come on! Get a hoodie and a bigger blanket and you're golden. 

No need for a satanic mass uniform. 

Or, the family at the game? No way in hell that will ever happen in a million years. Frankly, if that were my family I'd be winging whatever ball I'm playing with at their heads and running to  put myself up for adoption. I'm all about freedom of sartorial expression, but I draw the line at wearing what is essentially a backwards bathrobe in public. I don't care how cold it is and I'm from Michigan, I know from cold. 

Like any good feminist the first comparison drawn was the cover of Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale". There is no cold that is cold enough to require me sitting around looking like Ofsnuggie. None.

Busting My Blog Cherry

My hand was forced. Kind of. I drank the Kool Aid, I joined the WalMart Stampede of Savings, I buckled, I made a resolution, I started this blog.

Rumors of the demise of Livejournal and a desire to organize my ranting led me to it.

Not the most compelling post, I know, but I have to start somewhere.

Things to note:

I'm not always grammatically correct, but I try.

I like to swear.

I'm a picture posting whore.

Enjoy.